I love the demo and the premise! The art for Moira and the shrine is great! I'm currently trying to create my own game, so I understand the massive challenge you are facing but you are killing it! I have some hopefully helpful notes

• The prologue is written great but there isn't a lot visually going on as she tells her story about first seeing the strings. Is there going to be some art representing how she starts to see these strings of fate?
• The UI and text boxes seem pretty vanilla, have you thought about adding some animation or character to it? Maybe some sound effect that plays as the text rolls by? Dream Daddy has some great UI and would be a great reference for what I'm talking about.
• When it transitions from the end of the prologue to the beginning of the first chapter, it's unclear to me where we are and how much time has passed. maybe you should have a transition piece of art that shows where we are and how much time has passed? 
• Sakura's color scheme seems to make her look less eye catching and less interesting as Moira is. When you see them side by side it almost looks like their art style is slightly different. I'm not sure if adjusting her outfit would make her feel more a part of that world? Her eyes also look really big which makes it look like it's a different style. Just a thought.

Overall, this demo is wonderful and I'm excited to see more of this game! I don't mean to be nitpicky, I just see so much potential in this game and want it to succeed. :)